What is a Sleep Divorce?

Jeremy Sherk · Oct 06 2020

Sleep divorce? What does that even mean?

A Sleep divorce occurs when partners live together but choose to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms to get better sleep.

And, unlike when couples sleep apart because they’re having issues, sleep divorce is an arrangement that helps a partner catch some Zzzs instead of counting sheep at night.

Sleep divorce [unlike actual divorce] can help improve your relationship, ensuring you or your significant other have the best sleep of your life, naturally.

When you should Consider a Sleep Divorce

Well, if you’re the type who wakes up at the slightest distraction, and you have a partner who snores, tosses and turns in their sleep, or visits the restroom a couple of times before dawn -- you might want to ‘file’ for a sleep divorce.

Everyone deserves a good night’s sleep. Quality shut-eye time can help:

  • Boost your immune system
  • Strengthen your heart
  • Increase productivity
  • Improve memory
  • Put you in a better mood

With a ‘basketful’ of sleep benefits like the above...a good night sleep is non-negotiable.

If your significant other suggests a sleep divorce so they can sleep soundly at night, just think of all the great benefits a night of restful slumber would do for them (and for your relationship) before you object.

Is Sleep Divorce a Thing?

Carson Daly, the TODAY host said in September 2019 that he and his wife had to get a sleep divorce because his wife was pregnant and he has sleep apnea [a sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops, often resulting in loud snoring].

According to him, he and his wife both benefited from it.

A recent Mattress clarity survey involving some 3,000 Americans showed that 31% of them were up for a sleep divorce.

When you add to the mix a survey by the National Sleep Foundation which reported that -- almost 1 in 4 American couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds; sleep divorce is probably here to stay.

Often, couples enjoy being with each other and that includes sleeping together on the same bed. But, if a partner is having a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep because of this, it might be time to make some sleeping adjustments so the relationship doesn’t suffer significantly.

Sleep divorce: Permanent vs. Temporal

If you’re having trouble falling asleep and you find that your partner’s sleeping habit might be a major factor, you should start a healthy conversation where you lovingly explain your sleep challenges.

Saying, “You’re the reason I can’t sleep at night!” is a wrong way to start the conversation. Instead, saying something like, “Honey, I haven’t been sleeping well lately…” is a great start.

Sleep divorce can be a permanent arrangement where partners either sleep on different beds inside the same bedroom or sleep in separate rooms entirely. It can also be temporal like during a pregnancy, or while nursing a newborn, meaning you can come back together afterwards.

Sleep divorce isn’t sex divorce

Communicate as clearly as you can to your significant other that sleeping apart at night isn’t going to affect your intimacy. Reassure them you’re only staying apart so you can get quality sleep, and nothing more.

Tamara Green, a New York couples specialist says she has seen sleep divorce improve patients’ relationships and love lives.

In fact, Green told TODAY that, “It’s absolutely still possible to maintain a good sexual connection. They get enough rest and they feel like they are able to hear each other out and get their needs met.”

Overall, sleep divorce can be win-win...

It can help one’s partner get the much-needed quality sleep at night, making them feel loved. In turn, the benefiting partner can then look for other ways to compensate or make the sacrificing partner happy as well.

According to Deepak Chopra, “Sleep and meditation are key. Natural sleep for 8 hours will help remove toxins from the body, help consolidate memory, and create order from chaos...”

We couldn’t agree more!
In fact, we believe a good day starts with a good night’s sleep.

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